You, a Bed, and Existential Dread Walk into a Room…
On the surface, Date Everything! might look like a meme game. And it is. But it’s also an absurdly heartfelt, fully voice-acted sandbox dating simulator where you woo everyday household objects, and somehow come out emotionally bruised. You play as a recently unemployed arts major, handed a pair of magical glasses called “Dateviators” that allow you to interact with inanimate objects. Romance ensues. And yes, you can date your bed. Or your smoke alarm. Or a philosophical vacuum cleaner.
But don’t be fooled by the premise: Date Everything! has surprising emotional depth underneath all the chaos. And it’s that balance between the ridiculous and the sincere that makes this one of the most refreshingly human games of the year.
Dating 101: Learn to Love Your Microwave
You start in your own apartment, where seemingly mundane objects burst to life with personalities, backstories, and voice lines that are absurdly well-acted. The scope is ambitious: over 100 fully voice-acted characters, with talent from names like Neil Newbon, Erika Ishii, and Jonah Scott. Each object has its own branching narrative, relationship style, and quirks. Some want friendship. Some want love. Some want closure.
The dialogue writing leans on sharp, often absurdist humor, but never forgets to humanize its characters. There are puns, yes. But those puns spiral into surprisingly raw moments about abandonment, grief, insecurity, queer identity, and societal decay. It’s a tonal highwire act, and somehow it works.
A Lo-Fi Love Fest
Mechanically, the game functions like a time-based dating sim. You go through daily cycles, choosing who to interact with, completing light quests, and tracking your progress via the “Date-a-Dex”. There’s no hard fail state, and that lack of high-stakes pressure helps make the experience more comfortable and exploration-focused.
However, it’s not without flaws. The UI can be clunky. Conversations don’t always offer clear feedback, making it hard to know if you’re progressing well with a character. Some bugs, especially those related to quest progression, currently block certain endings entirely. This lack of transparency combined with some unskippable sequences can become frustrating for players used to more optimized dating sims.
What Works
+ Outstanding Voice Acting: The voice cast brings the characters to life with emotional range and comedic timing. Every object feels distinct and alive.
+ Charming Art & Music: The cozy, cartoonish art style pairs well with the gentle soundtrack. It helps the absurd premise feel grounded.
+ Writing with Real Heart: While it leans into silliness, Date Everything! consistently delivers sincere, sometimes moving character arcs. The devs clearly care.
+ Polyamory & Inclusivity: The game doesn’t lock players into a single relationship style. Multiple romances are possible, and there’s strong LGBTQIA+ representation across the cast.
+ Thoughtful Themes: Beneath the humor are serious topics: loneliness, mental illness, the dehumanizing effect of automation, and how we assign meaning to the things around us.
What Needs Work
– Bugs & Technical Glitches: As of release, several quests are broken. Certain characters’ routes cannot be completed, which kills momentum.
– Confusing Approval Mechanics: There’s little feedback when you fail to impress a character. This can lead to being locked out of routes without realizing it until a day later.
– UI & Pacing Issues: Some cinematic segments feel unskippable, and the time gating of relationship content can make progression sluggish.
– Steam Deck Performance: Players report notable lag unless they manually cap the framerate.
Should You Play It?
Yes. If you’re even slightly curious about unconventional games or want a low-stress, creatively unhinged dating sim with actual soul, Date Everything! is worth your time. It’s hilarious, weird, and often genuinely touching. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll develop romantic feelings for your refrigerator.
Should You Buy It Now?
If you can tolerate a few bugs and some unclear progression systems, absolutely. The writing, performances, and heart behind the game more than make up for the rough edges. That said, if you’re a perfectionist or want a polished run, wait for a patch or two.
Date Everything!: Date Everything! is much more than its title joke. It’s a vibrant, lovingly crafted, deeply strange meditation on human connection. Whether you’re romancing a haunted blender or unpacking grief through a flirtatious coat rack, the emotional payoff is real. – Flare